Booby juice, big boys, and basing our opinions on fact

So I'm having a bit of a break from the norm today, just because I want to talk about a subject that's close to my heart. And maybe a little bit because I STILL haven't been hands free enough to bake anything. But mainly because I want to talk about breast feeding!
"Oh God no" I hear you cry..."Why can't this subject just be left alone!" comes a groan from another direction. I'll tell you why. Because breastfeeding rates pretty much the world over are abysmal.  Society was brainwashed back in the 50's in to thinking that the stuff our body makes to feed our children is inferior, is hard to produce, is not enough to satisfy a small baby, that it "runs dry" at the drop of a hat and for no reason. These days, anyone who does enough research knows all of this is completely untrue, and was bandied about by formula companies, not because they want what's best for our precious offspring, but because they want your money. Less than 1% of women are physically unable to breast feed, and of course for those women's babies, formula can be a lifesaver. (I would talk about wet nursing/donor milk, but I fear that would not so much rock the boat as stamp a gigantic hole in the floor and then capsize it)
Some women, as we know, choose not to breast feed. That is their right, and as long as they are aware of their choice and have made it being absolutely certain of it and aware of the associated risks, then hats off to them.
Some women attempt breast feeding, and for many reasons (which pretty much all boil down to lack of correct support) decide to move on to formula. Many of these women feel guilty or as though they have failed, and they really shouldn't. In actuality, they themselves have been let down by a system where breast feeding support is inadequate, and a society who say "oh, well, you gave it three days, the baby got the colostrum and really formula is just as good these days" instead of "I'm sorry to hear you're finding it hard, let's look in to this, let's see what we can do to help you" Many of these women then feel as though they are being judged by the "mummy brigade." As though they have abused their children by giving them evil synthetic milk, or been selfish in their decision etc etc. I find this very sad, no Mother should be made to feel that way.
There are then, of course, the women who do succeed in breast feeding, who actually enjoy it, who find it easy and convenient, who believe wholeheartedly that they are doing their very best for themselves and their child/ren and are willing to keep at it through many obstacles and feel proud of themselves for doing so. And society applaud them. To a point. Then, all of a sudden, come comments like "So little Timmy is 6 months now, time to wean?" "Oh look, young Amelia has 2 teeth! That's natures way of telling you to stop breastfeeding you know" and "You're creating a rod for your own back by still feeding that child at 14 months, why, he'll still be wanting milk when he goes to college!" oh and my personal favourite "Well, there's absolutely no benefit at all after a year, if she's still doing it it's for her own personal reasons, she has issues!" And that's if they've made it unscathed through the "Do you have to do THAT here, in this public place? Can't you stay home/put a blanket over you/go to the toilet to feed your baby??" Because for some people, seeing a baby being breastfed is tantamount to you pulling down your strides and taking a dump on the floor. Naked on page 3, sure, hefted up in sexy bras on billboards, of course, but feeding a child? Heaven forbid!
So what IS the correct age to stop breastfeeding a child? Well, that's totally up to the individual. Preferably the individual who's breast is actually involved!
Recently, Time magazine created uproar by using a picture of a gorgeous supermodel as their front cover. Not so out of the ordinary i hear you say. Well, she was pictured breastfeeding her 3 year old son. Some of the comments I personally have seen have made me lose faith in humanity. Words like sexual abuse, child pornography, incest, sick, wrong, unnatural. People convinced that the child will grow up damaged in some way and that the mother needs counselling/imprisonment/burning at the stake. The fact of the matter is, breast milk IS still beneficial to both mother and child at that age. A child's immune system is not fully developed until they reach somewhere around 5-7 years. Breast milk contains anti-bodies to develop a childs immune system. Baby teeth also begin to fall out around that time, and generally feeding from the breast becomes difficult once permanent teeth appear. Surely this suggests that mother nature intended for a child to receive breast milk right up to between 5 and 7 years? There is no research in to breast milk after 2 years, probably because finding enough women who are still breastfeeding despite all the opposition they get would be difficult, but here is some research I was able to find *:

1. In a group of 21 species of non-human primates (monkeys and apes) studied by Holly Smith, she found that the offspring were weaned at the same time they were getting their first permanent molars. In humans, that would be: 5.5-6.0 years.

2. It has been common for pediatricians to claim that length of gestation is approximately equal to length of nursing in many species, suggesting a weaning age of 9 months for humans. However, this relationship turns out to be affected by how large the adult animals are -- the larger the adults, the longer the length of breastfeeding relative to gestation. For chimpanzees and gorillas, the two primates closest in size to humans and also the most closely genetically related, the relationship is 6 to 1. That is to say, they nurse their offspring for SIX times the length of gestation (actually 6.1 for chimps and 6.4 for gorillas, with humans mid-way in size between these two). In humans, that would be: 4.5 years of nursing (six times the 9 months of gestation).

3. It has been common for pediatricians to claim that most mammals wean their offspring when they have tripled their birth weight, suggesting a weaning age of 1 year in humans. Again though, this is affected by body weight, with larger mammals nursing their offspring until they have quadrupled their birth weight. In humans, quadrupling of birth weight occurs between 2.5 and 3.5 years, usually.

4. One study of primates showed that the offspring were weaned when they had reached about 1/3 their adult weight. This happens in humans at about 5-7 years.

5. A comparison of weaning age and sexual maturity in non-human primates suggests a weaning age of 6-7 for humans (about half-way to reproductive maturity).

6. Studies have shown that a child's immune system doesn't completely mature until about 6 years of age, and it is well established that breast milk helps develop the immune system and augment it with maternal antibodies as long as breast milk is produced (up to two years, no studies have been done on breast milk composition after two years post partum).

And on and on. The minimum predicted age for a natural age of weaning in humans is 2.5 years, with a maximum of 7.0 years.

In terms of the benefits of extended breastfeeding, there have been a number of studies comparing breastfed and bottlefed babies in terms of the frequency of various diseases, and also IQ achievement. In every case, the breastfed babies had lower risk of disease and higher IQs than the bottle-fed babies. In those studies that divided breastfed babies into categories based on length of breastfeeding, the babies breastfed the longest did better in terms of both lower disease and higher IQ. In other words, if the categories were 0-6 months of breastfeeding, 6-12 months, 12-18 months and 18-24+ months, then the 18-24+ month babies did the best, and the 12-18 month babies did the next best, and the 6-12 months babies did the next best, and the 0-6 months babies did the worst of the breastfed groups, but still much better than the bottlefeeding group. This has been shown for gastrointestinal illness, upper respiratory illness, multiple sclerosis, diabetes, heart disease, and on and on and on.

So there you have it. Natural weaning can occur anywhere from 2.5-7 years. Much longer than is currently deemed socially acceptable! I know there will be mothers out there outraged by this research, who will say their bottle fed baby IS healthy and clever, while their breast fed baby is sickly and small. All I can say is I'm sorry to hear that, and that anecdotal evidence is exactly that. It's not scientific evidence, and in every single scientific study that's ever been done, the result is that breast milk is better for children than either formula or cows milk. Just like every study ever done shows that smoking while pregnant is extremely harmful to babies, yet you get those who say "i smoked and my baby is fine!" Yes, you were lucky. I didn't smoke and my pregnancies were riddled with complications, usually life threatening. I was unlucky, but i do at least know its not my fault, i did everything i could.
So in conclusion, what I would really like is for everybody to accept that breastfeeding your toddler/young child is NOT weird, or sexual, or pointless. It may not be something you want to do, and that's fine, but that doesn't mean its wrong. You could be of the opinion that it could just as easily be expressed in to a cup, but let me tell you, as someone who had to pump for my premature baby, its really not that simple! That requires time you may not have, extra washing and sterilising that you may not want to do, and more importantly, denying a child the comfort they receive from cuddling up with their mummy for some mumma milk.
For me, stopping in the next 2 months (when my baby reaches 6 months) seems inconceivable. I didn't pump exclusively for 4 weeks, grit my teeth through 8 weeks after he came home of feeding every hour day and night, drag myself through colic, reflux, never being able to pee, let alone get washed or dressed, just to stop because some guy on the street says "eeewww!" I will continue to feed my baby for as long as he wants to be fed, happy in the knowledge that science at least is on my side.
Also, if i stop too soon, i'll miss out on hearing my 3 year old daughter shout "Stick a booby in it!" every time her little brother squawks, or witnessing my 6 year old autistic child attempting to breast feed his buzz lightyear figure. And who wants to miss out on that!

*paragraph taken from "A natural age of weaning" by Kathy Dettwyler

confession, birthdays, reflux and artistic flair

O.k, first the confession. Forgive me cake critics for i have sinned. Its been many weeks since my last baking session. I have many excuses, but basically, life got in the way. The school holidays were a killer, the largest offspring was moved in to his new bedroom which set of a few autism inspired rages in number 2 son who was used to sharing with him. We're back to peeing in places other than the toilet. I can laugh about it now (whether you like it or not, seeing your son poke his peeing parts out of the zip of the trampoline netting and pee on to the grass while shouting "LUCA! You don't. wee. HEEEERE!!" is gonna cause a slight giggle fit) however mopping a lake of piss around the kitchen floor is not much fun. Thats not the extent of it but i won't bore you with the screaming, headbutting, flapping and constant asking for things he can't have details.

Add to that the smallest offspring ramping it up a gear with the crying, and you have yourself a nice little recipe for mummy thinking it may be best if she gives up on this parenting thing! I mean, only a mere 14 years ago I was well known for managing to kill 2 tamagotchi pets within 20 minutes of having them. Now all of a sudden i'm in charge of 4 kids, a house and a husband?! There's something worrying about that. I've never been trained or interviewed, I don't remember ever having any kind of police checks, for all we know i could be a maniacal serial killer...how do we know i'm not?! This is the kind of craziness your brain spits out when you're at the end of your rope people. So yeah, my cute little baby turned in to some kind of evil being, who only ever drew breath so as to make the screams louder. I turned in to some kind of mouldable jelly-type substance, who lived in a purple winnie the pooh dressing gown and only drew breath to pray for an end to come soon. Eventually the poor wee chap was diagnosed with reflux, which is baby-speak for acid indigestion. He has medicine now. Things are improving. Huzzah!
We also celebrated the princess's third birthday this week. Ooohhh the fun i had perusing the pink aisles of toys r us, and the pleasure we got from watching her open her presents! "Oh i love it!!!" And before you ask....the cake was from asda.
So anyway, back to the task at hand. Baking. The rock cakes came out lovely and were scoffed within an hour of coming out of the oven. The only problem was that at first check i didnt think they were cooked enough, 5 minutes later the raisins on top were burnt. Let that be a lesson to me! Definately one to try out though, especially if you have kiddies, they'll love getting messy mixing it all together, and they're ready pretty quickly for the impatient among us. Plus, it doesn't matter about making them look pretty. They're rock cakes, the aim is to make them look like rocks. I'm starting to worry a little about the aesthetics of the whole baking business. I have no artistic flair. In my head i picture a perfect sculpture, where everything is even, the roses/patterns/whatever look beautiful and perfect and the world will marvel at my cleverness and talent. Sadly my hands betray me every single time, and whatever i make looks as though its been hashed together by a slightly tired and emotional toddler who just wants to get the job finished. So to go hand in hand wth my new baking hobby, i've also signed up to a cake decorating magazine. I will be learning about icing and frosting techniques, how to create special effects and how to make things look like you've spent hours when in fact its taken mere moments. I'm a little bit sceptical that its going to work on me and my toddler hands, but we can live in hope!
This week i'm hoping to get my dressing gown off and my apron on to make  victoria sponge. Everyone loves a victoria sponge! And not a lot of artsy-fartsyness is needed, just a little bit of icing sugar sprinkling. I might let Bella do it.

rock cakes, ebay and dreams come true...

Well it's been a hectic few days here! I think I may be mere moments away from some kind of mental breakdown, due to lack of sleep and crying baby. Has anyone ever died of tiredness? I think i'm at that point. And Roman has so much stamina when it comes to crying that i dont think it will be getting better any time soon. Now, just a little advice for partners of mummies who are breastfeeding. Make the woman drinks!!! I cannot stress enough, breastfeeding makes you thirsty. I mean like you've swallowed a tonne of sand kind of thirst. Sometimes i get so thirsty that my mouth feels glued together and my eyes feel gritty. And usually i have a small person attached to me, so even simple tasks like making drinks are difficult. If when you're about you ensure she always has a drink to hand, this will make her life easier, which in turn will make your life easier. And for the love of God make sure you take one up to bed for her, I guarantee you if you don't she will not be happy! Such a simple yet effective way of showing her that you do appreciate her for doing something so important for your offsprings health and intelligence.
Now, I believe we have discussed my need for baking accessories. Well I did a bad bad thing, and ebay'd "home baking" Oh. My. God. I spent a rather happy hour looking at cake tins, pie tins, loaf tins, icing, cookie cutters, moulds, edible decorations, stencils, you name it, you can find something to bake it with. I did refrain from ordering a job lot of assorted tins from Hong Kong. I wasnt sure if they would be free from poisonous materials, and heaven forbid if I was to inadvertantly murder someone with my cheap foreign bought equipment. I did manage to find some lovely little cookie cutters that I am quite excited about, and limited myself to just those for now, and I will order things as I need them so as not to bankrupt myself.
I've made the decision to work through the book in order, I feel that the author obviously wrote the book in that order for a reason, so there will be some kind of methodical therapy involved in following the book properly. Recipe 1; Rock cakes. I can't say that it would be my ordinary cake of choice, but then maybe that's where I'm going wrong, I always try to make something elaborate and fancy (I would tell you the story about my marble cake but I fear reliving the anguish is best left for the therapists couch) and it always goes spectacularly wrong. So rock cakes right now seem refreshingly simple.
I could actually liken myself to a rock cake. People regard it as solid and rock hard, and think that it would take an awful lot to damage it, however up close it's got lots of cracks, and crumbles under not an awful lot of pressure. This is me to a tee. It would seem most people are of the opinion that I am hard faced and that couldn't be further than the truth. I get hurt very easily and constantly worry that people don't like me. Often I convince myself that people only speak to me because they feel they have to, rather than that they actually want to. One day I hope i'll be able to compare myself to something light and airy and cheerful. Maybe a fondant fancy. Until then, I shall embrace the rock.
Baking will commence this evening once the big 3 have gone to bed and wee one is in his sling (a Godsend) and Husband has been settled with chocolate and stuff. I'm quite excited!
P.s...Regarding dreams come true. We bought Bella a cheap blue plastic seat to go on the toilet (nothing more traumatising for a 2 year old than falling through the toilet seat) and when we showed her it, her response was... "Oh I love it, it's wonderful, it's a dream come true!" Just wow. I wish everyone in the world was so easily pleased.

monday madness, quotes of the day, and some preparation

Aaahhh Monday. A day of relief, 2 of the 4 are at school for the day, yet also a day of stress and panic, because i've got to get them there and back!! Let me walk you through it.
Luca; goes to a special needs school 20 minutes away. He has transport, they pick him up at 8.40am.
Jack; goes to the local primary school 5-10 minute drive away. He needs to be there at 8.40am, 9.50 at the very latest.
Can you see where the problem lies? Now, in theory, I have Luca at the front door with shoes and coat on, bags at the ready. Jack and Bella are at the back door, shoes and coats on, bags at the ready. Roman is sleeping in his rocker wth his coat on, ready to be grabbed as we walk out the door, the second Luca is handed to his transport chaperone.
Now for the reality: It's 8.35, i'm chasing Luca around upstairs, retrieving his freshly removed clothes from the bath, under the bed, and wherever else he sees fit to chuck them. Isabella is on the floor in a frenzied rage because i've told her that a skull and crossbones t-shirt, tutu and wellies is not really suitable attire for public. Jack is mooning about in his room, ignoring my pleas to brush his teeth, and Roman is screaming in his rocker (a loose translation would be "HELP, HEEEELP, the mammy lady has PUT ME DOWN, and now i'm gonna be carried off by predators, PREDATORS, and i hadn't finished with that BOOOOOBYYYYY!!!!!") Then the poor chaperone has a wrinkled untidy child (the clothes have been in the bath, under the bed, etc etc, remember??) thrown at her, the screaming baby is scooped from the rocker, the screaming toddler is scooped from the floor, the mooning pre-teen is dragged from his bedroom, and we make a dash for the car, strap in, and then i spend a few minutes morphing in to a fishwife, yelling at every old lady who dares put her car in front of mine, and every parent at the drop off turning circle, who feel the need to GET OUT OF THE CAR!!! to see their child in....It's called a DROP OFF circle for a reason, dopey, if you wanna get out and see your child in, leave earlier, park up and WALK!!! Jack is then ejected from the car with a swift "go, go, go, love ya, bye!!"
2 mornings a week, Bella then needs to be dropped at pre-school. Usually in a skull t-shirt, tutu and wellies.
Then its just a day of trying to repair the carnage from the morning (milk and cereal dripping from every surface of the kitchen, pyjamas scattered to the 4 winds, a wii game tower in the middle of the front room thanks to Luca, you get the drift) and spending time with Bella if she's there, and Roman. All is then kinda calm, til pick up time. Jack comes out at 3.10 pm. Luca finishes at 3pm, and his taxi arrives home between 3.15 and 3.20. Commence mad dash to be there for them both! Jack's school are worse than useless, knowing how much i struggle they said he could come out at 3.05, and that i could pull in to the car park to collect him so that i dont have to haul ass from whichever street i can find a parking space, drag 2 kids up the hill, get jack and get back to the car. They never do it, and i'm questioned like a terrorist every day about WHY they need to open the security gate to let me in, rather than me just park on the street. Some days it leaves me in tears. All this is done with a grumpy Bella who is about ready for a nap, and a screaming Roman, who regards his carseat with the same noisy indignation as he does the rocker. And the Dr's wonder why my blood pressure is high! Today was particularly bad, and resulted in miserable school receptionist being re-named "nob muncher" on facebook. I so hope she sees.
But anyway, enough of the Monday bashing, I actually did a little baking myself happy prep today! I read the list of what i need. May not seem like much, but it's a step, and sometimes baby steps are about all you can muster. Thats fine. The only unacceptable step, is a step backwards. even stepping on the spot is ok sometimes. You can only do what you can do at the end of the day.
So I realise that i need a few things. Some are more "wants" actually. Like I now "need" a kitchen aid. (mate? aid? something like that.) It looks AMAZING in the picture. I dont really know what it does, but obviously something really magical and important. It's going on my wedding anniversary present list. I also need a purple spatula. I have a mint green one, but the author specifies purple. she says she supposes another colour would do, but i'm not willing to take that risk. So purple it shall be. I also need basic ingredients, cookie cutters, a piping bag, y'know, general baking stuff. Tomorrow, in between taking Bella to playschool, and taking Maude and Cynthia (guinea pigs) to get their claws clipped, I will be going out to get as much of the much needed stuff as i can. I'll let you know how I get on.
PS, quote of the day...."Luca, we have to wear clothes on the trampoline..."  I'm beyond the point of worrying about what my neighbours think...

my new book

So people keep telling me (based on my facebook statuses no less) that I should write a book.  I guess you could say my life is quite hectic. Mum of four at the tender age of 21. ok 25...Oh ok ok, 30, but that's still young! Just because I feel 100, and my fashion item of choice these days is fleece pyjamas from primark (it's not laziness, I'm making a statement) does not mean that I actually have to acknowledge the fact that i'm what you could describe as past it. Over the hill. Mutton not even dressed as lamb. I won't go on.

But I digress.  Today is the day I decided to write it all down. It won't all be funny or witty, there may well be extra letters in words. And spelling mistakes. This is because i'll be typing one handed and one eyed. The other hand will be cradling my 9 week old nursling, who is 8 weeks old and of the opinion that a moment off the boob is a moment wasted. The other eye will be upon the other children, (not the 9 year old; he'll be happily ensconced in his room, reading lord of the rings, or quantum physics, or drawing up his plans for total world domination) who at 6 (and autistic) and amost 3, can acheive mass destruction in a matter of seconds.  And when i say destruction, I mean a snowstorm of sugar in the kitchen, or every soft toy they own taking a lovely bubble bath. If you're a mum you know the drill. If you're not....well please don't let me put you off! Continue to tell yourself the same thing not-yet-parents have told themselves for millenia "My children won't be like that!!"

So today is Mothers day, my 1st one as a mum of 4. Baby was due yesterday, however my body had other ideas and after the onset of pre-eclampsia at 31 weeks, the poor boy was plucked unceremoniously from my body. So i'm the proud owner of a 6lbs almost 9 week old. feel free to say "aawwwww!" as it makes us both feel better!  For mothers day, among some lovely handmade and shop bought presents of varying degrees of glitteriness (when you're a 2 year old girl, there is NO SUCH THING as too much glitter during craft projects), was a book. A cookbook. Baking to be exact. I've always been a keen cake baker. Sadly my enthusiasm doesnt quite make up for the fact that i'm rubbish at it. I follow the instructions to the letter, and all the while my creation is in the oven, I have visions of beautiful light sponge, a work of art, a cake i'd be proud to show off on facebook. The end result is usually a flat, burnt, sticky mess. I rant and rave, I blame the oven, and the lack of kitchen space (I kid you not, i have 4 cupboards. 4. to fit everything in for a family of 6) I've been known to sit on the floor and cry at my rotten luck. None of this puts me off doing it all over again!  So I was pleased to receive this new book, entitled "Bake yourself happy." This struck a chord with me, and on reading further I discover that this is a book, not by an expert like Delia, but by a woman who bakes to alleviate her depression. Her introduction is honest and to the point, some days its a toss up between killing herself or making cupcakes. Thankfully, the cupcakes always win. Having suffered from depression on and off since my teens, I honestly know where she is coming from. For me, my kids always keep me going, but however rewarding it is in the long run, at times being a mother, especially to a child with additional needs, can be a thankless task, and sometimes my life feels like the film groundhog day, nothing changes (other than the growing mess) and i just want to lock myself in the bathroom and cry. So could this new book help in my quest for eternal contentment? And can this kindred spirit teach me more than the hundreds of other cookbook authors before her? We're about to find out!

I pledge to bake every item in the book. It may take months, but I am going to do it! And I will share my experiences (and even the end result, if you're brave and live near enough)

I will also share some of the aspects of the other areas of my life, just so you can laugh, cry, and judge at your leisure...