Well it's been a hectic few days here! I think I may be mere moments away from some kind of mental breakdown, due to lack of sleep and crying baby. Has anyone ever died of tiredness? I think i'm at that point. And Roman has so much stamina when it comes to crying that i dont think it will be getting better any time soon. Now, just a little advice for partners of mummies who are breastfeeding. Make the woman drinks!!! I cannot stress enough, breastfeeding makes you thirsty. I mean like you've swallowed a tonne of sand kind of thirst. Sometimes i get so thirsty that my mouth feels glued together and my eyes feel gritty. And usually i have a small person attached to me, so even simple tasks like making drinks are difficult. If when you're about you ensure she always has a drink to hand, this will make her life easier, which in turn will make your life easier. And for the love of God make sure you take one up to bed for her, I guarantee you if you don't she will not be happy! Such a simple yet effective way of showing her that you do appreciate her for doing something so important for your offsprings health and intelligence.
Now, I believe we have discussed my need for baking accessories. Well I did a bad bad thing, and ebay'd "home baking" Oh. My. God. I spent a rather happy hour looking at cake tins, pie tins, loaf tins, icing, cookie cutters, moulds, edible decorations, stencils, you name it, you can find something to bake it with. I did refrain from ordering a job lot of assorted tins from Hong Kong. I wasnt sure if they would be free from poisonous materials, and heaven forbid if I was to inadvertantly murder someone with my cheap foreign bought equipment. I did manage to find some lovely little cookie cutters that I am quite excited about, and limited myself to just those for now, and I will order things as I need them so as not to bankrupt myself.
I've made the decision to work through the book in order, I feel that the author obviously wrote the book in that order for a reason, so there will be some kind of methodical therapy involved in following the book properly. Recipe 1; Rock cakes. I can't say that it would be my ordinary cake of choice, but then maybe that's where I'm going wrong, I always try to make something elaborate and fancy (I would tell you the story about my marble cake but I fear reliving the anguish is best left for the therapists couch) and it always goes spectacularly wrong. So rock cakes right now seem refreshingly simple.
I could actually liken myself to a rock cake. People regard it as solid and rock hard, and think that it would take an awful lot to damage it, however up close it's got lots of cracks, and crumbles under not an awful lot of pressure. This is me to a tee. It would seem most people are of the opinion that I am hard faced and that couldn't be further than the truth. I get hurt very easily and constantly worry that people don't like me. Often I convince myself that people only speak to me because they feel they have to, rather than that they actually want to. One day I hope i'll be able to compare myself to something light and airy and cheerful. Maybe a fondant fancy. Until then, I shall embrace the rock.
Baking will commence this evening once the big 3 have gone to bed and wee one is in his sling (a Godsend) and Husband has been settled with chocolate and stuff. I'm quite excited!
P.s...Regarding dreams come true. We bought Bella a cheap blue plastic seat to go on the toilet (nothing more traumatising for a 2 year old than falling through the toilet seat) and when we showed her it, her response was... "Oh I love it, it's wonderful, it's a dream come true!" Just wow. I wish everyone in the world was so easily pleased.
Friday 23 March 2012
Monday 19 March 2012
monday madness, quotes of the day, and some preparation
Aaahhh Monday. A day of relief, 2 of the 4 are at school for the day, yet also a day of stress and panic, because i've got to get them there and back!! Let me walk you through it.
Luca; goes to a special needs school 20 minutes away. He has transport, they pick him up at 8.40am.
Jack; goes to the local primary school 5-10 minute drive away. He needs to be there at 8.40am, 9.50 at the very latest.
Can you see where the problem lies? Now, in theory, I have Luca at the front door with shoes and coat on, bags at the ready. Jack and Bella are at the back door, shoes and coats on, bags at the ready. Roman is sleeping in his rocker wth his coat on, ready to be grabbed as we walk out the door, the second Luca is handed to his transport chaperone.
Now for the reality: It's 8.35, i'm chasing Luca around upstairs, retrieving his freshly removed clothes from the bath, under the bed, and wherever else he sees fit to chuck them. Isabella is on the floor in a frenzied rage because i've told her that a skull and crossbones t-shirt, tutu and wellies is not really suitable attire for public. Jack is mooning about in his room, ignoring my pleas to brush his teeth, and Roman is screaming in his rocker (a loose translation would be "HELP, HEEEELP, the mammy lady has PUT ME DOWN, and now i'm gonna be carried off by predators, PREDATORS, and i hadn't finished with that BOOOOOBYYYYY!!!!!") Then the poor chaperone has a wrinkled untidy child (the clothes have been in the bath, under the bed, etc etc, remember??) thrown at her, the screaming baby is scooped from the rocker, the screaming toddler is scooped from the floor, the mooning pre-teen is dragged from his bedroom, and we make a dash for the car, strap in, and then i spend a few minutes morphing in to a fishwife, yelling at every old lady who dares put her car in front of mine, and every parent at the drop off turning circle, who feel the need to GET OUT OF THE CAR!!! to see their child in....It's called a DROP OFF circle for a reason, dopey, if you wanna get out and see your child in, leave earlier, park up and WALK!!! Jack is then ejected from the car with a swift "go, go, go, love ya, bye!!"
2 mornings a week, Bella then needs to be dropped at pre-school. Usually in a skull t-shirt, tutu and wellies.
Then its just a day of trying to repair the carnage from the morning (milk and cereal dripping from every surface of the kitchen, pyjamas scattered to the 4 winds, a wii game tower in the middle of the front room thanks to Luca, you get the drift) and spending time with Bella if she's there, and Roman. All is then kinda calm, til pick up time. Jack comes out at 3.10 pm. Luca finishes at 3pm, and his taxi arrives home between 3.15 and 3.20. Commence mad dash to be there for them both! Jack's school are worse than useless, knowing how much i struggle they said he could come out at 3.05, and that i could pull in to the car park to collect him so that i dont have to haul ass from whichever street i can find a parking space, drag 2 kids up the hill, get jack and get back to the car. They never do it, and i'm questioned like a terrorist every day about WHY they need to open the security gate to let me in, rather than me just park on the street. Some days it leaves me in tears. All this is done with a grumpy Bella who is about ready for a nap, and a screaming Roman, who regards his carseat with the same noisy indignation as he does the rocker. And the Dr's wonder why my blood pressure is high! Today was particularly bad, and resulted in miserable school receptionist being re-named "nob muncher" on facebook. I so hope she sees.
But anyway, enough of the Monday bashing, I actually did a little baking myself happy prep today! I read the list of what i need. May not seem like much, but it's a step, and sometimes baby steps are about all you can muster. Thats fine. The only unacceptable step, is a step backwards. even stepping on the spot is ok sometimes. You can only do what you can do at the end of the day.
So I realise that i need a few things. Some are more "wants" actually. Like I now "need" a kitchen aid. (mate? aid? something like that.) It looks AMAZING in the picture. I dont really know what it does, but obviously something really magical and important. It's going on my wedding anniversary present list. I also need a purple spatula. I have a mint green one, but the author specifies purple. she says she supposes another colour would do, but i'm not willing to take that risk. So purple it shall be. I also need basic ingredients, cookie cutters, a piping bag, y'know, general baking stuff. Tomorrow, in between taking Bella to playschool, and taking Maude and Cynthia (guinea pigs) to get their claws clipped, I will be going out to get as much of the much needed stuff as i can. I'll let you know how I get on.
PS, quote of the day...."Luca, we have to wear clothes on the trampoline..." I'm beyond the point of worrying about what my neighbours think...
Luca; goes to a special needs school 20 minutes away. He has transport, they pick him up at 8.40am.
Jack; goes to the local primary school 5-10 minute drive away. He needs to be there at 8.40am, 9.50 at the very latest.
Can you see where the problem lies? Now, in theory, I have Luca at the front door with shoes and coat on, bags at the ready. Jack and Bella are at the back door, shoes and coats on, bags at the ready. Roman is sleeping in his rocker wth his coat on, ready to be grabbed as we walk out the door, the second Luca is handed to his transport chaperone.
Now for the reality: It's 8.35, i'm chasing Luca around upstairs, retrieving his freshly removed clothes from the bath, under the bed, and wherever else he sees fit to chuck them. Isabella is on the floor in a frenzied rage because i've told her that a skull and crossbones t-shirt, tutu and wellies is not really suitable attire for public. Jack is mooning about in his room, ignoring my pleas to brush his teeth, and Roman is screaming in his rocker (a loose translation would be "HELP, HEEEELP, the mammy lady has PUT ME DOWN, and now i'm gonna be carried off by predators, PREDATORS, and i hadn't finished with that BOOOOOBYYYYY!!!!!") Then the poor chaperone has a wrinkled untidy child (the clothes have been in the bath, under the bed, etc etc, remember??) thrown at her, the screaming baby is scooped from the rocker, the screaming toddler is scooped from the floor, the mooning pre-teen is dragged from his bedroom, and we make a dash for the car, strap in, and then i spend a few minutes morphing in to a fishwife, yelling at every old lady who dares put her car in front of mine, and every parent at the drop off turning circle, who feel the need to GET OUT OF THE CAR!!! to see their child in....It's called a DROP OFF circle for a reason, dopey, if you wanna get out and see your child in, leave earlier, park up and WALK!!! Jack is then ejected from the car with a swift "go, go, go, love ya, bye!!"
2 mornings a week, Bella then needs to be dropped at pre-school. Usually in a skull t-shirt, tutu and wellies.
Then its just a day of trying to repair the carnage from the morning (milk and cereal dripping from every surface of the kitchen, pyjamas scattered to the 4 winds, a wii game tower in the middle of the front room thanks to Luca, you get the drift) and spending time with Bella if she's there, and Roman. All is then kinda calm, til pick up time. Jack comes out at 3.10 pm. Luca finishes at 3pm, and his taxi arrives home between 3.15 and 3.20. Commence mad dash to be there for them both! Jack's school are worse than useless, knowing how much i struggle they said he could come out at 3.05, and that i could pull in to the car park to collect him so that i dont have to haul ass from whichever street i can find a parking space, drag 2 kids up the hill, get jack and get back to the car. They never do it, and i'm questioned like a terrorist every day about WHY they need to open the security gate to let me in, rather than me just park on the street. Some days it leaves me in tears. All this is done with a grumpy Bella who is about ready for a nap, and a screaming Roman, who regards his carseat with the same noisy indignation as he does the rocker. And the Dr's wonder why my blood pressure is high! Today was particularly bad, and resulted in miserable school receptionist being re-named "nob muncher" on facebook. I so hope she sees.
But anyway, enough of the Monday bashing, I actually did a little baking myself happy prep today! I read the list of what i need. May not seem like much, but it's a step, and sometimes baby steps are about all you can muster. Thats fine. The only unacceptable step, is a step backwards. even stepping on the spot is ok sometimes. You can only do what you can do at the end of the day.
So I realise that i need a few things. Some are more "wants" actually. Like I now "need" a kitchen aid. (mate? aid? something like that.) It looks AMAZING in the picture. I dont really know what it does, but obviously something really magical and important. It's going on my wedding anniversary present list. I also need a purple spatula. I have a mint green one, but the author specifies purple. she says she supposes another colour would do, but i'm not willing to take that risk. So purple it shall be. I also need basic ingredients, cookie cutters, a piping bag, y'know, general baking stuff. Tomorrow, in between taking Bella to playschool, and taking Maude and Cynthia (guinea pigs) to get their claws clipped, I will be going out to get as much of the much needed stuff as i can. I'll let you know how I get on.
PS, quote of the day...."Luca, we have to wear clothes on the trampoline..." I'm beyond the point of worrying about what my neighbours think...
Sunday 18 March 2012
my new book
So people keep telling me (based on my facebook statuses no less) that I should write a book. I guess you could say my life is quite hectic. Mum of four at the tender age of 21. ok 25...Oh ok ok, 30, but that's still young! Just because I feel 100, and my fashion item of choice these days is fleece pyjamas from primark (it's not laziness, I'm making a statement) does not mean that I actually have to acknowledge the fact that i'm what you could describe as past it. Over the hill. Mutton not even dressed as lamb. I won't go on.
But I digress. Today is the day I decided to write it all down. It won't all be funny or witty, there may well be extra letters in words. And spelling mistakes. This is because i'll be typing one handed and one eyed. The other hand will be cradling my 9 week old nursling, who is 8 weeks old and of the opinion that a moment off the boob is a moment wasted. The other eye will be upon the other children, (not the 9 year old; he'll be happily ensconced in his room, reading lord of the rings, or quantum physics, or drawing up his plans for total world domination) who at 6 (and autistic) and amost 3, can acheive mass destruction in a matter of seconds. And when i say destruction, I mean a snowstorm of sugar in the kitchen, or every soft toy they own taking a lovely bubble bath. If you're a mum you know the drill. If you're not....well please don't let me put you off! Continue to tell yourself the same thing not-yet-parents have told themselves for millenia "My children won't be like that!!"
So today is Mothers day, my 1st one as a mum of 4. Baby was due yesterday, however my body had other ideas and after the onset of pre-eclampsia at 31 weeks, the poor boy was plucked unceremoniously from my body. So i'm the proud owner of a 6lbs almost 9 week old. feel free to say "aawwwww!" as it makes us both feel better! For mothers day, among some lovely handmade and shop bought presents of varying degrees of glitteriness (when you're a 2 year old girl, there is NO SUCH THING as too much glitter during craft projects), was a book. A cookbook. Baking to be exact. I've always been a keen cake baker. Sadly my enthusiasm doesnt quite make up for the fact that i'm rubbish at it. I follow the instructions to the letter, and all the while my creation is in the oven, I have visions of beautiful light sponge, a work of art, a cake i'd be proud to show off on facebook. The end result is usually a flat, burnt, sticky mess. I rant and rave, I blame the oven, and the lack of kitchen space (I kid you not, i have 4 cupboards. 4. to fit everything in for a family of 6) I've been known to sit on the floor and cry at my rotten luck. None of this puts me off doing it all over again! So I was pleased to receive this new book, entitled "Bake yourself happy." This struck a chord with me, and on reading further I discover that this is a book, not by an expert like Delia, but by a woman who bakes to alleviate her depression. Her introduction is honest and to the point, some days its a toss up between killing herself or making cupcakes. Thankfully, the cupcakes always win. Having suffered from depression on and off since my teens, I honestly know where she is coming from. For me, my kids always keep me going, but however rewarding it is in the long run, at times being a mother, especially to a child with additional needs, can be a thankless task, and sometimes my life feels like the film groundhog day, nothing changes (other than the growing mess) and i just want to lock myself in the bathroom and cry. So could this new book help in my quest for eternal contentment? And can this kindred spirit teach me more than the hundreds of other cookbook authors before her? We're about to find out!
I pledge to bake every item in the book. It may take months, but I am going to do it! And I will share my experiences (and even the end result, if you're brave and live near enough)
I will also share some of the aspects of the other areas of my life, just so you can laugh, cry, and judge at your leisure...
But I digress. Today is the day I decided to write it all down. It won't all be funny or witty, there may well be extra letters in words. And spelling mistakes. This is because i'll be typing one handed and one eyed. The other hand will be cradling my 9 week old nursling, who is 8 weeks old and of the opinion that a moment off the boob is a moment wasted. The other eye will be upon the other children, (not the 9 year old; he'll be happily ensconced in his room, reading lord of the rings, or quantum physics, or drawing up his plans for total world domination) who at 6 (and autistic) and amost 3, can acheive mass destruction in a matter of seconds. And when i say destruction, I mean a snowstorm of sugar in the kitchen, or every soft toy they own taking a lovely bubble bath. If you're a mum you know the drill. If you're not....well please don't let me put you off! Continue to tell yourself the same thing not-yet-parents have told themselves for millenia "My children won't be like that!!"
So today is Mothers day, my 1st one as a mum of 4. Baby was due yesterday, however my body had other ideas and after the onset of pre-eclampsia at 31 weeks, the poor boy was plucked unceremoniously from my body. So i'm the proud owner of a 6lbs almost 9 week old. feel free to say "aawwwww!" as it makes us both feel better! For mothers day, among some lovely handmade and shop bought presents of varying degrees of glitteriness (when you're a 2 year old girl, there is NO SUCH THING as too much glitter during craft projects), was a book. A cookbook. Baking to be exact. I've always been a keen cake baker. Sadly my enthusiasm doesnt quite make up for the fact that i'm rubbish at it. I follow the instructions to the letter, and all the while my creation is in the oven, I have visions of beautiful light sponge, a work of art, a cake i'd be proud to show off on facebook. The end result is usually a flat, burnt, sticky mess. I rant and rave, I blame the oven, and the lack of kitchen space (I kid you not, i have 4 cupboards. 4. to fit everything in for a family of 6) I've been known to sit on the floor and cry at my rotten luck. None of this puts me off doing it all over again! So I was pleased to receive this new book, entitled "Bake yourself happy." This struck a chord with me, and on reading further I discover that this is a book, not by an expert like Delia, but by a woman who bakes to alleviate her depression. Her introduction is honest and to the point, some days its a toss up between killing herself or making cupcakes. Thankfully, the cupcakes always win. Having suffered from depression on and off since my teens, I honestly know where she is coming from. For me, my kids always keep me going, but however rewarding it is in the long run, at times being a mother, especially to a child with additional needs, can be a thankless task, and sometimes my life feels like the film groundhog day, nothing changes (other than the growing mess) and i just want to lock myself in the bathroom and cry. So could this new book help in my quest for eternal contentment? And can this kindred spirit teach me more than the hundreds of other cookbook authors before her? We're about to find out!
I pledge to bake every item in the book. It may take months, but I am going to do it! And I will share my experiences (and even the end result, if you're brave and live near enough)
I will also share some of the aspects of the other areas of my life, just so you can laugh, cry, and judge at your leisure...
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