big boy bedrooms, burning schools, feeling better

Oh, happy day!
Today is Tuesday. Roman has been sleeping in his bedroom since Saturday night. No cot in my bedroom (that never got used) no being squashed with a snoring sweaty man on one side and a snoring sweaty boy on the other. My boobs are my own and I can lie on my stomach with out being slapped and whined at until I roll over to allow access (and Roman is cutting out the night feeds too!) My bedroom looks massive without the cot in it, and I must say, I'm loving being able to go up to bed to read with the lamp on, should I so desire. I'm loving the hours of solid undisturbed sleep.
I'm not loving the fact that it's the end of an era, and my days as the mother of a tiny baby have come to an end. I'll never again watch in wonder as my stomach grows, never look forward to seeing my baby for the first time at a scan. I'll never get to argue over names, plan a nursery, pick a pram, pack a hospital bag, place bets on whether my bump is blue or pink, what day the baby will arrive, what he or she will weigh. I'll never get to hold my precious newborn in my arms, smell their newborn smell, welcome them to the world and tell them how much I love them and how precious they are to me.
I know there are people who will think that's mad, I've got 4 beautiful babies and pregnancy nigh on kills me every time. I'd be lying if I said I'm not relieved that i'll never have to go through the high blood pressure, failing kidneys, dodgy liver, itching, diabetes and who knows what else would probably get thrown at me next time, so from that point of view, yes, having no more babies is most definitely the right thing. Not to mention i'd probably lose my marbles if we added another small person to our brood! I guess I'll just make the most of friends new babies for now, until such time as I'm presented with a grandchild. Not for at least 20 years though hopefully!

The best part about actually getting some sleep is that it's done wonders for my mood. I've not had a panic attack, I'm not as tearful, I have energy to actually get up and do things which automatically puts me in a better mood. That's the problem with depression, it's a cycle. You feel horrible, have no energy and don't want to do anything. Not doing anything makes you feel horrible, have no energy and not want to do anything, so you become even more depressed. See where I'm going with this? No amount of being told to snap out of it, or (as i've experienced) public humiliation, "friends" outing you on facebook for moaning too much and making you feel a million times worse, or husbands getting frustrated because they don't understand what it is you're trying to tell them, or whoever it is that's involved with your life but can't figure out what the hell is wrong, none of it is enough to  make you just get up and do whatever it is you're supposed to be doing in order for people to think you're "normal" if there is such a thing. So for me, getting a bit more sleep, and having enough energy to sweep the floors, cook a proper dinner and tackle the washing pile is enough to lift my spirits and enable me to start helping myself to get better. How refreshing. I think I'm pretty good at hiding my depression from people who I don't want to worry with it. That's probably not always a good thing, I tend to hide it from the people who could actually help me, but I feel embarrassed and like they'll think I'm a failure. Poor Husband bares the brunt of it instead. So here's hoping that this new found good mood continues! This is also the perfect time to get cracking with the diet (again) so slimming world is gaining a new member (again) I hope to be considerably slimmer by the summer.

The biggest excitement of the week, would have to be Lucas school burning down! The hall and drama studio are completely gone. We had a good sniff of Luca when he arrived home, and the good news is he didn't smell of smoke, so I'm fairly confident he had nothing to do with it. I asked him if he saw the fire, he said yes. But then I asked him if he put out the fire himself and he said yes, so he's not really an entirely reliable witness. I have it on good authority that he was nowhere near the fire or the hoses, his account will not hold up in court. He's been off since Friday, and let me tell you for a child with autism, this sudden and unexpected change in routine never goes down well! He hasn't been too bad, if you don't count eating us out of house and home, being extremely stimmy, having major laughing fits and major tantrums. The school called today, children can go back tomorrow if the parents want, but they have no heating, no hot water, and no kitchen for school dinners.

Therefore, I've sorted a thermal vest, a packed lunch and a flask. Bad mummy, moi? Noooo.....

                                                        The newest bedroom in the house